Life works in such mysterious ways..

Early this morning, around 5am i was driving back home after dropping Joel off into work. I discovered i was having almost like a debrief with myself in my mind about my life so far and how iv come to be. I was thinking about Joel and how we met, and how we would have crossed paths so many times in life for he had gone to high school with my brother, was friends with my step sister, knew my father and worked almost next door to where he worked and we both use to go out at the same places back in our day. Then it got me thinking of my past.. the things i experienced good and bad. Things i would have changed and would not have changed for the world. People i wish i never met and people i wish i stayed close to. People who i thought i loved then people who i came to not like at all. Past mistakes, past achievements.. opinions that i had then are different to what i have now. In fact, my whole outlook on life is different, and as i age, everything will still continue to change.

I've met some truly, wonderful people, gotten to them for who they are and who they are not and have become greatly apart of their lives and then in an instant, iv walked out.
I've made some whopping mistakes, things i look back on now and think "shit Alex, you really weren't all there were ya!"
With maturity my opinions on people and circumstances have changed drastically.
I've hurt people before, I'm sure and I'm also sure iv brought great happiness to some also.
But if i didn't go through all of these little stepping stones that life layed out for me, if i didn't play any of these cards i was dealt, i would not of reached where i am today and believe me, i am at a great height!
I probably would not have met Joel and in turn, would not be cradling the most beautiful, precious, happy little boy in the whole entire world, Lijey. Actually, you know what..? I still would have found Joel because that was simply destiny.

Life hey, you just gotta take it all as it comes. Good or bad. You win some, you lose some..

Ah.. to be up the duff again

Is it just me or after you have your first child do you notice babies/pregnant woman everywhere you go?

As i shopped today i noticed at least 2 heavily pregnant woman and several babies causing their mothers great stress in the supermarket. As i lay in bed next to my partner, i realise i have the sudden urge to just pounce on him and say "hey... wanna.. ya know." Maybe not those exact words, id be much more desirable than that but you get the picture! I just loved being pregnant. To begin with, it was daunting, terrifying! "Your pregnant." Whooaaaa back up a bit, I'm pregnant?  It doesn't really hit home until you get that first ultrasound does it? Until then, it doesn't really feel real. Then wah-la! After sitting in the waiting room very apprehensive for 5, 10, 15 maybe 20 minutes (which feels like hours) with a full bladder, desperately needing to pee you enter a small confined room, you lay on a small narrow bed, get jelly smeared all over your tummy and proceed to be jabbed with a should i say wand like thing until the doc can get a clear shot of your.. peanut. At 6 weeks, that is all it looks like.. a little peanut. I remember being in disbelief, thinking is that it? Until i heard its little heart beat. As soon as i heard that, i knew everything was real. What was growing inside me was real. The changes my body was experience, real. From that point on, after hearing its little heart beating away ever so fast, i loved my baby unconditionally.

What are you looking at!?

It felt like a thousand eyes were on me the first time going out publicly with my newborn Elijah.
Being only 19 and also looking quite young i suppose it was the opportune moment to judge.
Even with a man on my arm and his ring on my finger, people still looked at me like i was taboo.
Especially the individuals from the older gens, i mean no disrespect but seriously if you keep that ugly stare long enough the wind will change and you'll be stuck like that!
6 months on and i still notice the stares.

Some people really are just so judgemental!